Fear of silence

I've often wondered why we feel awkwardness when there's gaps in the conversation. Why do we begin to feel anxious as if the other person is judging us, and we begin to judge ourselves negatively, causing us to feel even more judged, and this turns into a negative feedback loop.

What's so scary about silence? It can conjure the bad and the good, yet the bad is the easiest to focus upon. Ever been alone in a pitch black basement? The first thing we think of is danger, because it's the most immediate concern to our survival instincts. Our primitive instincts lead us to fear the void, and we try to hide these instincts by distracting ourselves with other thoughts and pursuits. 
As Alan Watts beautifully stated: 

"If you talk all the time, you will never hear what anybody else has to say, and therefore, all you'll have to talk about is your own conversation. The same is true for people who think all the time. That means, when I use the word 'think,' talking to yourself, subvocal conversation, the constant chit-chat of symbols and images and talk and words inside your skull. Now, if you do that all the time, you'll find that you've nothing to think about except thinking, and just as you have to stop talking to hear what I have to say, you have to stop thinking to find out what life is about."

Awareness is the ability to perceive your own thoughts objectively, and this can't occur until we stop and accept the void. We'll continue to be afraid of loneliness, and our own thoughts, if we keep running. Awareness and objectivity are the prerequisites for improvement, since we need them to identify problems (and therefore improvements) in our own thinking patterns and actions.

The hindbrain

The hindbrain is responsible for our innate desires, such as food, survival, reproduction, etc. Have you ever found yourself engaging in an activity that you knew was wrong, but your body somehow continues with the activity?

I used to find it happened to me a lot with random internet entertainment. It starts off with intending to only watch one video but it continues for at least an hour. It wasn't until I started analyzing my root desires that my body began to react in harmony.

hind brain -----> fore brain

Cravings and desires originate in the hind brain, and by the time it reaches our frontal lobe, we're powerless to stopping it. If we do somehow manage to stop it, it depletes a large amount of our finite willpower. Real change can't be made until the root is addressed.

We experience harmony once the two regions of the brain begin sharing a common goal.

fore brain <------> hind brain

This is the state of zen.

The beginning

This blog is daily reflection of my journey into fear.

What is bad? habits, ideas, events that we find unpleasant. Outcomes that we fear. Our progression is limited by the size of these fears. It is the barrier which prevents us from becoming the strongest versions of ourselves.

Throw away the idea of bad and you remove the fear of the outcome.

I will enter my thoughts at the end of every day as a way of reinforcing my vision, strengthening my belief in my thoughts, and becoming more introspective. All of these things will boost my perseverance and actions, creating a positive feedback loop of awesomeness.

I urge more people to write down their thoughts!

See you tomorrow.